All Things Heather

How to potty train a princess...

I really don't want to give the impression that it's all that bad.  I have plenty of things to be grateful for and I am grateful, it's just been a lot of change and there really is no textbook on how to cope with major upheavals.  So I take it how it comes and I try to keep a sense of humor.  I normally deal well with things, this time being no different, so I'm getting by the best I can.

I imagined myself as being a very calm and relaxed mother and to a certain extent I am.  I have my moments where I vibrate at a slightly higher level then is healthy but don't we all.  I try to emulate the positive parenting vibes from those around me but I sometimes wonder what came first, the chicken or the egg?  Do mellow parents have mellow children because the parents are mellow and have made the children mellow - or were they blessed with exceptionally easy going kids therefore they were able to embrace their mellowness. I'd like to plop in some go with the flow gentle mommy into my world and see how they cope.  Would it break the mother or would my kids turn a new leaf. Now don't get me wrong, although I regularly refer to my kids as being possessed by a demon, they could be much worse and I see examples of the much worse nearly everywhere I go but to me - they are just a bit out of control right now.  Just a nub, just enough to push me over the edge once or twice a day, just enough to screw with my psyche. 

Makenna is potty training - not trained by any stretch of the imagination - but potty training.  It's another big power struggle, she would rather sit in her shitty and wet panties then go to the bathroom when I remind her.   She'll take off her pants to crap in the yard but not on the toilet.  No amount of bribery, negotiating, or pleading helps.  Grandpa's mints helped as nice reward for a couple days but after going through 3 packs in an afternoon even the joy of those wore off.  Going to the bathroom is just a way of life, we all have to do it, but she just doesn't care.  I didn't have this issue with Amelia, I never pushed it - when she was ready to go I was ready to go. Makenna is in a different place though - she needs to be potty trained for her ridiculously expensive school and although they have been uber nice about the whole thing (and very patient) I'm waiting for the ax to fall.  No more school Makenna until you go on the potty like the big girls.  She has to clean up herself - so no princess dresses when she is covered in shit.  Maybe that will sink in one day.  How many times can sleeping beauty get peed on?    

No rest for the weary...

I'm here! In lovely San Diego, California...actually more specifically I'm in Poway which is just north of the city.  It's a quaint little town with all the amenities that I need.  The picture isn't actually of us in Poway, it's from San Antonio, Texas - lovely city - but I figured I should include at least one picture today.  It's been a stressful month.  Tom, my husband, had to deploy the morning the moving trucks got here, leaving me and the 2 kids to deal with 14,000 lbs of shit into a tiny little house.  My comments about finding zen after downsizing were a bunch of crap. There is no zen here, no zen in 1400 shitty sq ft and no zen about trying to figure out where to put all of our over sized furniture.  Thank goodness my father flew down from Seattle at the last moment to bail me out, I could not have done it on my own. 

It's been a big transition having hubby gone, I guess the hardest part is not being able to talk to him. We've chatted once on the phone in the last month and that's just not a good thing.  He was supposed to be home at the beginning of next month but I got word that the date was pushed back another month, just when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel it had to get moved again.   The children are adjusting as well as they can but it's a lot for them. They miss their friends, they miss their dad, and they miss the normalcy of their lives in Charleston. I'm trying to get some of that back for them but it's slow going. I've sold my soul to enroll them both in  a Montessori school 5 days a week and it has been a life saver for both me and them.  I'm trying to be patient with them, I know it's a lot of change and they are little children but it's a lot of change for me too.  I don't know how to be a gentle parent with so much going on. They are both acting out, a bit, in appropriate pre-school and toddler ways, and it is all completely understandable considering the enormous upheaval in their lives but I just don't know how to cope with it.  I'm trying to do lots of love and soothing talks but it inadvertently turns into ugly power struggles resulting in a lot of time crying on the floor (for them, not so much me although it might make me feel better.)  It's frustrating, I'm doing the best I can and I know they are too but doesn't it just suck sometimes.

The house - as I briefly mentioned above - is no castle by any stretch of the imagination. Nor is it the cute little cottage I was envisioning from the pictures. It's a dated 70's style ranch with nasty carpet and no charisma.  The only thing that is keeping me here is that I would rather live in hell then have to move all my shit again in the next year.  I'm making do and slowly day by day it's becoming a home.  Isn't it amazing how much of our identity is caught up in our home.  It's not really about materialism, at least not mostly, but about having a place that is part of us.  I'm soon approaching my mid-thirties and I kind of envisioned myself in a different place.  If it was mine there are quite a few things I could do to it to make it a better place but it's a rental so no Martha Stewart here.  There are a couple things that I'm very bummed about though, first off the ants - they are nasty little critters - secondly, no kitchen eating space - we have to eat in the "dining room" which is all well and good but it's carpeted, carpet, eating, little kids, not a good combo - and lastly, no dyeing space.  It's going to take some serious ingenuity to get ATH yarns up and going again so covet thy stash, it could be a bit before any new stuff gets out there. 

I'll leave you with that.  I'll be sure to update more now that things are starting to get a bit back to normal. I know I keep saying that but I'll eventually have to do something interesting enough to share.