All Things Heather

The elephant...and some sorbet.

Even the most well behaved and peaceful children can be challenging at times but when a child makes a left turn instead of a right in the story of life, things can be just downright overwhelming.  A while ago my youngest child took a left instead of a right.  I’m not sure when it exactly happened or what it could have been caused by but nonetheless, she is way down the wrong path and I’m by her side looking around thinking to myself “Where the f*ck are we?”   It’s an awful feeling, knowing that something is “wrong” with your child.  You get it from friends, family, teachers – “Oh she is just going through growing pains…oh it’s just a tantrum…oh she’ll out grow it.”  It’s not growing pains, it’s not a tantrum, and she will not outgrow it. I’ve known that for some time but whether it is denial or my inability to cope, I didn’t want to deal with it.  I take my kids to the doctors when they are seriously bleeding or if something is broken.  I don’t pour over medical journals or over analyze their behaviors; I follow my instinct and just give them space to grow.  So, I find myself sitting in her psychiatrist’s office again (yes my 5 year old has a psychiatrist, although I’m the one who probably needs one this time.) We are here for our weekly meeting about her behavior and mood swings (it's gotten bad to worse in the last couple weeks, they have this stupid little behavior form to fill out which is not at all age appropriate for a 5 year old but I do my best, 40 is having some issues, she scored a 90, not a happy moment, I digress).  Anyway, he looks at me and says I don’t know what’s going on yet, it could be a number of things but I will tell you that her behavior is not normal, is not typical, and there is definitely something going on here.  My instinct is to yell “duh” and then of course I start crying.  He starts to reassure me “It will be ok, lots of kids have problems, it’s not your fault and you are doing the right thing blah blah blah.”  And I try to tell him, between sobs “I don’t care if she has “issues,” lots of kids have issues, lots of adults have issues, we will deal with the issues, I’m just so relieved that I’m not crazy, that this isn’t in my head, that my kid is not ok, but now we know that and we can figure out what she needs to be ok. “  It was a heartbreaking but a very freeing moment.  It’s like the elephant in the room, you wonder if it’s your imagination, nobody talks about, nobody looks at it, and then some guy walks in and says “Dude, there’s an elephant in here.”  I felt scared but very relieved; yes it is an elephant, thank you for saying that.  Now how are we going to get it out of here? Yes, our family has some gone through some serious transitions over the last couple months but that is not the root of the problem, it doesn’t help but it’s not the issue, I don’t know what the issue is but I’m hoping to one day soon find out.  In the meantime, I am just thanking my lucky stars for being unemployed and having the opportunity to spend so much more time with her now.  I wonder how much longer the elephant would have been standing in the room before I took notice.   Things happen for a reason, sudden and traumatic unemployment has allowed me an opportunity to take a hard look at my life and family and realize they need me right now more than ever.

 

Pink Lemon Sorbet – We’ve been on an ice cream kick lately, we went dairy free a couple months ago due to various health issues and I’ve had fun experimenting with all sorts of fun flavors. This one is not so exciting but very delicious.  In a saucepan on the stove, combine and bring to a boil 3 cups of water and 1 cup of preferably organic sugar.  Remove from heat and add approximately ¾ cup of freshly squeezed lemon juice and a little zest if you want some more zing!  In the meantime, in your blender or food processor, mix up 4 or 5 whole strawberries (leaves and all (excellent source of vitamin c)) and process until smooth. Pour strawberry mixture into lemon mixture, stir well and chill.  You can then put this in your ice cream maker or just stick it in the freezer and stir periodically.  Simple and delish!  

Clapotis and spring chickens...

I did it! I actually finished a project, I think it's probably my first one in over a year. I just shudder to think of my stash of yarn being so neglected.  I LOVE how it turned out. I know I know, I'm a little behind the Clapotis bandwagon but better late then never.  Unfortunately, it will probably be stashed away in my closet to await fall but I'm just satisfied that the darn thing is finished. 

  If you notice, the pictures are extra fancy, not my typical norm. I went to my girlfriends for a play date and asked her to just take a couple casual shots of the shawl in front of a tree or something.  I should have known better, she of course put together her makeshift photography studio complete with professional lights and all.  I felt like I was in a glamor shot until I looked at the photos and began to realize how unglamorous I've been looking these days. I think the last year of stress, living in a hot and dry climate, and probably a couple too many cigarettes have done a number on my face.  Let me tell you, a billion dollar camera does not lie and it showed every little line and imperfection, thank goodness for photoshop.  It made me really contemplate things.  I'm pushing 37, that's closer to 40 then 30 and although I still feel like a teenager in my head most of the time, my body does not feel the same way.  Aging is a hard thing to do gracefully, when your face doesn't match your mind and next thing you know you're looking at a whole boatload of crows feet that even a double shot of botox won't fix.  Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with aging to a certain extent but I'm also scared to death.  Time just flies by and sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting to get there but I'm not sure where that place is.  So I guess it's time to learn how to use photoshop better and just embrace the fact that I'm not a spring chicken anymore. 

Pattern:  Clapotis

Yarn: Brooks Farm Four Play

Needles: Turbo Addis US size 8

Modifications: None that I know of but I will say that I blocked the heck out of this thing. I wanted a more traditional rectangle shawl and wanted to open up the dropped stitches.  It blocked beautifully and drapes amazing. 

 

Hand to heart...

Here's a quick little project I whipped up with the girls the other day. I think it turned out so sweet that  I had to frame it. You can find a tutorial here - the hearts are actually hand prints (mine and my two daughters) and it makes me smile every time I see it.  Thanks for listening.  You are the best.   

 

Moving forward...

We all managed to survive the first day of public school.  My neighbor, who I must add believes Montessori is a cult rather than a culture, reassured me that I was officially one step closer to living in the projects and going on welfare.  Nice guy, good thing I like him or I would egg his house.  Although I have my days to myself I feel as though they just fly by.  I have all these hopes of reorganizing, cleaning, cooking real meals that don’t actually come from a box.  The reality is that after taking the kids to school, walking the dog, cleaning up from breakfast, changing out laundry, and running errands, I have very little “leisure” time.  But very little is still some and I’m determined to start getting a little crafty again. 

This is my first "I'm unemployed" project and although not perfect, I am very pleased with how they turned out. After trying to get caught up on reading all those blogs that have eluded me this last year, I ran into this project made by Molly over at a foothill home companion.  Although I am not ready to bust out my sewing machine, it’s buried under a year of clutter, I remembered that I had these tea bags in my stash that I had bought for some project last decade. 

With a brown sharpie, some fantastic pink textile paints and some lovely dried lavender (also in my stash), I managed to come out with some cute little lavender sachets ideal for sock drawers or stinky places everywhere. Granted they are a little wonky and definitely "organic" but they smell great and I am pleased that I was able to use something from my ridiculously huge stash of crap.  Thanks again to this mucho talented gal for allowing me, albeit unknowingly, to copy her idea!  There is hope for me yet!

      

I made quite few to share with friends so if you would like me to send you a couple just shoot me a line with your address and I’ll do my best to get a couple in the mail.

 

What's up all.....

So there has been a lot of change in my life over the last year.  I keep meaning to post and I just don’t feel like I’ve had the time or the energy to do it but I’ve realized in the last couple months that an online journal would be a good thing to have.  I apologize for being a slacker and generally abandoning my tiny but loyal readership.  I’m going to try again, maybe I’ll be better this time!

So where to start?  Let’s start with the first.  As of a couple weeks ago I’m officially unemployed.  Not quite the happy ending to the Montessori dream that I began just a short year ago.  Life was made exponentially more complicated by that fact that my girls attended the school that I was working at.  My departure was not under the friendliest of circumstances so I’ve been stressed out in an unbelievable way with the conundrum of what to do with my girls.  I will go into more details later but my blood pressure is finally down to the normal range so I don’t want to get myself all worked up.  The kiddos, now 5 and 7, are attending their first day of public school tomorrow.  Quite the departure from scenario created by  the all natural wannabe Montessori mom who has dedicated her last couple years to the highest attainable well rounded educational experience she could get for her kids.  Now I’m plagued with nightmares of school bullies, bad lunches, and sitting at a desk until my children’s natural curiosity is sucked out of them.  I’m hoping that won’t be the case and I can round out their education with all sorts of the fun arts, crafts, and enrichment activities that we do every day.  I know that most kids go to public school, I went to public school, and we all survived.  It’s an irrational fear (I hope) and we’ll see how things go tomorrow.   

Since employment at this time of the school year is pretty much impossible, I’ve decided to get my house in order, get back to crafting and maybe knit something.  Wouldn’t that be a miracle!  I wanted to share with you a couple photos that my girlfriend took of my adorable yet very energetic children.  She is a local photographer in San Diego and has been an unexpected friend over the last couple months.   I’m thankful to have her in my life.